The Big Four

Petrus (Budi Ros) has two families: his daughter Dina (Putri Marino) and the four orphans he secretly raised and trained as a team who take down criminal gangs.

Topan (Abimana Aryasatya), Alpha (Lutesha), Jenggo (Arie Kriting) and Pelor (Kristo Immanuel) are known as "The Big 4".

When Petrus is murdered The Big 4 retire and Dina concentrates on her police career, but several years later their paths eventually cross again.

Bodies Bodies Bodies

Bee (Maria Bakalova) travels to a "hurricane party" at the remote mansion owned by a friend of her girlfriend Sophie (Amandla Stenberg). She doesn't really fit in with the trust fund kids that will be there, being working class and from an (unspecified) Eastern European country, and is filled with trepidation.

The plan is to party through the storm, getting wasted, horny and to conspicuously consume at each other.

Things are going OK, with the odd bit of sniping amongst old friends until they get to the party game "Bodies Bodies Bodies".

No good will come of this.

Red Sonja

The warrior priestesses guarding an ancient talisman used by the gods in the creation of the world deem it too dangerous to remain accessible to mankind and set about casting it into a pit of eternal darkness. However, evil Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman) storms the temple and takes it away to use as a weapon.

One of the priestesses escapes and sends word to her sister Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen) who has trained to be a great warrior. She sets out to destroy the talisman, teaming up with the warrior Kalidor (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who found her sister.

Conan the Destroyer

Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) has built himself a reputation as "the king of thieves". Sorcerer Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) recruits him and sidekick Malak (Tracey Walter) to escort her niece Princess Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo) and her head guard Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain) to steal a magic gem from the Sorcerer Thoth-Amon (Pat Roach) who dwells in a crystal palace.

In return she promises to resurrect Conan's lost love Valeria.

Needing help fighting magic, Conan also gathers wizard Akiro (Mako), who acts as the narrator. They also free and recruit fierce warrior Zula (Grace Jones) along the way.

Conan the Barbarian

As a child, Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) witnesses all his family slaughtered along with the rest of the settlement where he lives. The raiders send him into slavery and when many years later he has earned a place as a great gladiatorial fighter all he remembers is a symbol.

Two snakes, but as one against a black sun.

When he is finally freed and makes his way in the world he finds out that this is a symbol of the cult of Set and it's leader, the allegedly thousand year old Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones).

CW: some objectification of women but maybe not as bad as it could have been

Glass Onion

When the billionaire founder of tech empire "Alpha" invites his closest group of friends, "The Disruptors" to his private island for a murder mystery weekend they are joined by Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) "the world's greatest Detective".

Sadly he's responsible for a murder himself, that of the great party that had been planned.

Hawk the Slayer

When Voltan "The Dark One" (Jack Palance) kidnaps an Abbess, the church sends for Hawk (John Terry) rather than pay the ransom. Hawk is the Dark One's brother and the pair have a feud to settle.

Vivarium

Gemma (Imogen Poots) and Tom (Jesse Eisenberg) are looking for a home and wander into the sales office for a new housing estate.

The salesman is very off-putting but out of politeness they agree to follow him and view a house there.

No good will come of this.

CW: Bleak as fuck, do not watch if you're feeling at all mentally fragile